I recently returned to work full time. It is wonderful but exhausting and I realize I’m not the person I was before the concussion.
That woman couldn’t wait to have lunch with friends, enjoyed staying an extra thirty minutes to finish tasks, and was patient. The person I am now craves that hour alone to read or nap, is ready for the end of the day, and is much quicker to snap at any mild inconvenience.
Needless to say I’ve been in a foul mood for the last few weeks as I’m not me yet. Last night I had a bit of a revelation: that woman is gone. She needs to be mourned and acknowledged but I need to stop trying to be her. Instead I need to tune in to the current me.
This person has some great qualities, she:
- enjoys long walks
- doesn’t binge watch Netflix
- Takes her time to cook
- goes to be early
- doesn’t drink nearly as much ( I didn’t drink a lot previously, under the recommended amount for women but I’m now a one glass of wine a week gal)
- significantly cut sugar (no more dessert for lunch)
- is not addicted to caffeine
- Still reads like crazy
I haven’t blogged a lot since getting hit and I wondered if this was another interest I had lost, if my mind just was not letting me focus. I don’t think so. I think blogging is harder for me now as I no longer want to be near a screen as much.
While I haven’t been posting, I’ve been reading. It takes me longer to formulate my thoughts, which in turn make me feel like I’ve missed a window to jump into a conversation. I will return to blogging but I suspect I’ll make it a weekly post for a while as I slowly get my feet back under me.
The concussion was hard, not as bad as some but worse than others, and it definitely changed me. Some of that change was immediately good, while other pieces need to be accepted. This is how I feel:
Which is much more powerful than waiting to return to the person I was.