Assessing Life

I had a post prepared for today and then Dr. Jonathon posted something so appropriate to some of the things I was going to touch on that I’m making some adjustments 🙂

ML and I spend yesterday doing a host of exercises as a couple to talk about our core values, our definitions of success and our dreams. It’s still ongoing, we have a few more things to chat about.

It was interesting, because when I started a year ago I chatted with ML and I incorporated his goals into mine  but it was definitely focused on me and my values. When we were working through activities yesterday it became clear that our core values are quite different. I want to feel in control of my serenity, continue to explore my boundaries and generally seek ways to improve my life and be able to afford lifestyle. ML is focused on enjoying his life and having/being able to display makers of his success.

It was eye-opening to me as I realized that I often gently, but consistently, push him until I get my way so he loses some of the things that are important to him. An example is he has always said he wanted a large home. I’m the opposite so I worked on him until he saw that a large home was not necessarily going to be a happy home. I didn’t want to have to deal with the cleaning and maintenance that comes with a larger property or the hiring of staff and contractors.

Knowing that these markers are important to him gives me the opportunity to be supportive in other other ways. Traveling is important to him as a success marker. He further defined it as being able to take a big trip every other year. Knowing this I’m going to make it a bigger part of my savings budget so that we can take a big trip every 2 years.

There were a host of big activities that we did but in the end it centers around the questions: What are you doing now to help you achieve your goals and be true to your values? This is where Dr. Jonathon’s exercise  was a great thing to find today. I highly recommend doing it to see where the life you’re living and your priorities align.

What did you think of it?

Happy introspecting!

 

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8 thoughts on “Assessing Life

    1. Thanks! I do them quite often as part of my job since there’s a high PD component but ML isn’t as fortunate in his.
      We haven’t done a sit down, planned exercise like this since we did pre-marriage counselling through the church.
      It was fun and more insightful than I anticipated.

      Liked by 1 person

  1. Wonderful! What a great bonding experience to show each other you really care about each others’ values (and re-learning what they are!), as well as planning for the future. I have to say I “gently but consistently push” to get my way too 😛 something to think about for me.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Great post. And thanks for sharing that exercise. The subtle dynamics of relationships and specifically marriage continuously blow me away. I had no idea something could be so challenging/painful and so wonderful/rewarding at the same time 🙂 Fantastic that you and ML talk about these sometimes-hard-to-talk-about things. Xxx

    Liked by 1 person

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