I had a conversation with my mum today and we got on the topic of giving. She confessed that she and my dad sometimes worry that their kids are selfish a.k.a too tight with our money. Instead of jumping in to defend myself I let her talk through it.

I’m glad I did. My parents are insanely generous. If you invited them to dinner and told them to just bring themselves, they would bring a hostess gift package and a dessert. I use gift package as often times it will be multiple related items wrapped together and it looks divine. In comparison I would  just bring a bottle of wine.

Once my mum finished, she concluded that when I walk her through my rational it makes sense and I seem to have found some middle ground. To be honest, this is an area I consistently struggle with. I want to be thoughtful but I also don’t want to spend money on items that won’t be appreciated.

Recently, I’ve found myself just trying to be more thoughtful. While my parents spend equally on everyone I spend on those I care deeply for. Last weekend we went to a cottage with friends and I purchased all the groceries for 5 people while ML did the bulk of cooking and menu planning. This week I chauffeured a friend and bought her ice cream, for another I purchased and made gifts for her kids.Tomorrow I’ll host my parents for a turkey dinner just because turkey was in sale and I’ve never made one.

So while I don’t take extravagant gifts to the homes of acquaintances I do make an effort to not take my loved ones for granted, to ensure that they feel appreciated.

Do you and your family have differing views of generosity?


11 thoughts on “Selfish?

  1. My husband and I do sometimes. Like you, I am very generous with those I love. Christmas is especially challenging as we are better off than some of our family and I strive to find the right balance between my wanting (and often failing) to be frugal, and wanting to buy everything for everyone just to see their smiling faces.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Where is generosity found? For some, it is found in the wallet; for others, it is found in the heart. There is no right or wrong answer to defend. Who are we to judge another person’s gift of generosity.

    I spend many hours on a daily basis writing to create AWARENESS about health to help people achieve the quality of life they seek. I do this without any form of compensation. Although this does not involve reaching into my own wallet or helping someone specifically, is there any less generosity in the giving of TIME for others to benefit? Time is a commodity we can NEVER regain.

    Each of us must judge for ourselves our values and morals and determine whether the paths we follow satisfy the criteria we establish. Generosity is determined by the “giver;” not the “receiver.”

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  3. It’s good that you found a way to show generosity to others. I do a combination of charitable giving, giving up of my time to help others and just trying to be a positive happy person and bring up people that may be feeling down. It’s nice to see that you thinking about generosity and how you can express it in your own unique, many people don’t do this.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I love that your giving is service oriented, I think sometimes it is easy to underestimate how big an impact our kindness can have.
      Thank you for comment. I didn’t realize how deeply hurt I was by my mum’s conversation until I saw the responses.
      There has been a history of my parents being used so they don’t want to see their children using others or not showing gratitude


  4. This reminds me of some advice I saw on Oprah or Dr Phil years ago about romantic relationships. The expert said to a dueling couple that everybody loves differently, and they needed to recognise that just because they weren’t showing their love the way the other would, (he did things for her to express his feelings, she just expressed her feelings) it doesn’t mean they loved less or more. Generosity is the same, everyone is generous in different ways (or not generous at all I suppose!) and what one person gives does not mean giving in another way is invalid.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I once read about a practice to give whomever you visit a gift. That gift can be a flower, a smile, whatever you have to offer out of kindness. I try to do this and what it does for me is allow me to come to visit someone with a loving heart.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That’s a lovely idea and a very thoughtful and sweet way to practice my parents’ belief that you should never enter a home empty handed without breaking the bank.
      I think people entering your home with great, positive energy is the best gift!
      We’ve had people come in after just having a fight or still spoiling for an argument and it does negatively affect everything.

      Liked by 1 person

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